


What She Needed

by markwatneyandensemble



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Cancer Arc, F/M, fun times fun times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-10-30 04:13:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 10,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markwatneyandensemble/pseuds/markwatneyandensemble
Summary: Time jump to immediately after Memento Mori





	1. Chapter 1

"What do you need?"

She knew what she needed. She knew exactly what she needed. But Dana didn't have to answer him. His words were merely an offer, rather than a question. In the midst of all the terror, thinking about the possibility that the impossible man had placed in her mind, the man sitting beside her in that crappy bar, his ghostlike fingers running down her back as if afraid to interrupt her thoughts, was exactly what she needed. For the first time in her life, Dana threw out all all common sense and allowed Ed Jerse to lead her out the door.

But lying awake in an unfamiliar bed that night, a stranger snoring next to her, Dana realized that she had been asked what she needed, but not what she wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

The fluorescent lights of the 24 hour gas station burned her eyes as she entered. Scully had broken the silence that drowned their ride back to D.C. by asking if he could pull over at the gas station, telling him she needed to get something to eat. Even in the darkness, she could see him nod silently, and could feel the lump that corked his voice, and kept him near silent throughout the last few mind-numbing cases.

She walked the aisles aimlessly, partially to stretch her legs, and partially to get away from the silence that ate her alive. What she couldn't understand was if the chasm that now stretched between them was brought on by the betrayal Mulder felt when he found her nursing a bruise and a touch more satisfaction than she'd had before she left for Philadelphia, or if it was a ditch dug by her and how unfaithful she felt to a man she'd promised nothing to. They weren't together, they weren't romantic. They were stalled. And Scully for the life of her didn't know if it was her doing or his. But she did know that that night with Ed Jerse was exactly what she needed. She needed to prove to herself that she could be alive. She needed it to put that bastard Leonard Betts out of her head. And she needed it to prove that there wasn't a man in the world who could distract her from the constant stream of thoughts of Mulder.

  
In that crummy gas station aisle, something caught her eye that cast her thoughts of needs immediately from her mind. She approached it like a ticking time bomb and stared at the purple box, her mind now racing with more terror than she'd ever felt in her life. More terror than her abduction, more terror than when she thought Mulder could have died. More terror than when Melissa was shot. And yet, she approached the box, taking it gingerly in her hands, and proceeded to the register to pay for it.

"Did you get anything?" he asked gently as she crawled into the passenger seat.

"No," she whispered back, holding her coat tightly to her, with the pregnancy test pressed into her stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, uh, Scully, it's me... Mulder. I just wanted to see how you're feeling. I mean, this is the third personal day you've taken off this week and I just wanted to check in. Call me back... or come over sometime? I have a couple ridiculous files on Bigfoot that could make you feel better... uh. Okay. Bye."

Scully's heart felt like someone had reached inside her chest and crushed it in their fist. She played that message over and over, along with the twenty three other one's he'd left in the last 72 hours. She could hear his voice go from playful, to flirty, and back again, trying to keep the messages lighter than their past few interactions had been. But she could hear a layer of underlying concern beneath his words. She knew he hadn't dared to come over and check on her. She knew he was worried that she'd pull the 'macho man' card in his face and say she could take care of herself and she didn't need him. She knew their entire conversation by heart, even though they hadn't even had it. Because that's the kind of thing you can do with your soulmate. It's the kind of thing you can do with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You can know exactly how they would react to any given thing.

But what really made the tears on Dana Scully's face fall was having the one thing she didn't know how he'd react to sitting right in front of her. And that terror that still remained inside her, that crushed her heart like an aluminum can, was the prospect of the tiny piece of plastic in her hand being the thing that takes him away from her. And in that moment, the only thing Scully needed in the entire world was Mulder. 


	4. Chapter 4

Scully woke up the next morning deciding once and for all to do nothing rash. She ignored the red spot on her calendar that screamed in her face what she didn't dare to think about. She put on her favorite pantsuit, made her favorite breakfast, got ready leisurely, and marched herself into the Hoover building, convincing herself that nothing was going to change. Convincing herself that she wouldn't let it.

He was already in the office by the time she opened the door, pouring over some files in a near-religious manner. He jumped as he saw her walk in, a gigantic smile appearing on his face as he stood and walked over to her. She could almost hear his mind trying to get itself under control.

"Scully! You're back!" he said, obviously kicking himself for sounding to eager. But she didn't mind the eagerness, she never did. Before the last few weeks, that adorable passion used to make her want to climb up that tall frame and introduce her face to his. But right now, standing in the cramped doorway of their basement office, Scully's attention was elsewhere.

"Mulder? You, uh, made some renovations?" she asked, nodding to the elephant-sized desk taking up the room.

He grinned, obviously proud of himself. "I had maintenance dig it up for you after we got back from that last case. There was an even larger one that I actually wanted to get you, but it didn't fit through the doorway." He gave her a look that begged her to like it.

Without even thinking, Scully stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around Mulder's stomach, pressing her face into his chest, inhaling his scent deeply without even trying to hide it. After a second, he wrapped his arms around her and they stood in an awkward, but welcome embrace.

"I take it you like the desk?"

"God no, I don't know how we both even fit into the office," she mumbled into his chest, before turning her head up to meet his gaze, "but thank you for the thought."

They awkwardly released each other. Scully took a step back but bumped into the desk and nearly toppled over the edge of it.

"I'll call maintenance right now," Mulder said quickly.

"Actually, you could call them while I'm at my doctor's appointment, that way theres on less person in the room as they try to get it out."

"You have a doctor's appointment?"

"Yeah, I... uh, I was sick and I just wanted to get checked up."

He nodded, his face showing he didn't believe the sick excuse, but letting her know he wouldn't press her further.

"When's your appointment?"

"I have to leave now, I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I'll be back and you don't have to worry about me."

She offered a reassuring smile that made no progress to reassure either of them.


	5. Chapter 5

The past few weeks, with Scully in and out of the office, were spent very lonely for Mulder. After Philadelphia, he felt like he lost his best friend, and even when she was there, she was just a ghost. For the first few days following their desk argument, Mulder felt so angry with her. He felt betrayed, and cheated on, and like someone'd taken a knife to his chest. He spent so many nights lying awake wondering if that bastard who hurt her meant anything to her. If he filled the void in her heart like she was hoping. If he filled her like she needed. Mulder would scream and scream into his pillow, shaking with rage. Why wasn't it him. Four years he'd been more in love with her than he'd ever thought possible. It should have been him. He lay awake at night just thinking about how it should have just been him. If she needed someone to fuck, he'd give everything to his name to be the first in line. If she needed someone to bear their soul to her, his was wide open. Truth be told, he'd do anything for that woman, but along the way, their lines got mixed up and somehow she ended up in bed with a stranger who then tried to kill her.

But what stopped this growing abyss of hatred in Mulder's chest wasn't the therapy sessions he begged to have day after day. It wasn't becoming consumed with his work, like he always used to cope. What really provided closure for Mulder was the last knowledge he ever hoped to have.

It came about during a meeting with Skinner about the report Scully gave about the Philadelphia case. The brief paragraph about her relations with Ed Jerse stated that it was entirely consensual, and therefore should not be held against him in trial.

Mulder walked out of that meeting thinking about how Scully, the most intelligent, logical person he'd ever met, had a one night stand with a murderer. In later years, he'd find it funny, but in that moment, he just felt so much relief. She'd chosen to have sex with that man. He was more jealous than ever in his life that she hadn't chosen him, but he knew Scully.

He knew Scully.

The soles of his shoes smacked on the stairs as he found his way to the basement for the millionth time in his life.

He knew Scully. He just knew her. She'd promised nothing to him, she wasn't his, she never would be. And until one of them got up the courage to cross that line, he had no right to be angry about any relationship she may form with anyone.

He knew Scully though.

He pulled the door to that cold, basement office open.

He knew Scully and if she had a one night stand, it meant she was hurting.

He knew Scully, and he knew that if she did something reckless, it was because she needed it.

But in that moment, Mulder pulled file after file from his stacks with ease, knowing exactly what he was looking for.

He knew Scully, and he knew that in her life, she had more terror and more times of pain than he'd ever wish on anyone, let alone the love of his life.

But he knew Scully. And he knew that she really needed to feel like she only belonged to herself. So she did something reckless. She did something without thinking. Something that made her feel good. Made her feel wanted for more than her medical degree.

Mulder poured over that file, that file that killed him to have in his possession, and he found the exact answer he was looking for.

Melissa Scully's medical report.

Melissa Scully, at the time of her death, had been in remission for five years from a lapse of breast cancer.

And Mulder thought back to Dana Scully's tears in the car following the Leonard Bett's case. He thought about Scully's pain. He thought about her need to be reckless that was driven by fear and uncertainty and that unfathomable pain. And he thought about how unreadable Scully's thoughts had seemed at the time. And how obvious they were now.

_If Leonard Betts' cancer could bring him back to life, why the hell couldn't hers?_

  
Ten months would pass and Fox Mulder would be brought to think of those words again.


	6. Chapter 6

"Well, Dana, you're not pregnant."

Scully breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't know how Mulder would even react to her being pregnant with someone else's kid. Truth be told, she knew deep down he'd be supportive. He'd be sweet and Mulder-y and hold the door and rub her back and tell her to eat regularly. But that wasn't what she wanted.

She wanted to be pregnant. But she wanted Mulder to be there with her when she found out. She wanted him to wrap her up in the tightest hug of her life, then jump back because he was worried he was squishing the baby. She wanted to laugh and kiss him and tell him he's an idiot, and then kiss him again, their tongues freely roaming each other's mouths, not even caring about the doctor standing beside them awkwardly. She wanted to hold him and be held by him, their cheeks glued together with the tears that fell from both of them.

But as the doctor, the one standing in front of her in cold real life, explained to her carefully what she found from the various tests she'd done, Scully's heart shattered more than she ever thought was possible. It was smashed into a million pieces and stomped on and she felt so broken over just simply a possibility. And she hated it. Her hands flew to her eyes on their own accord, and she sat hunched in the exam room, listening to the doctor rattling off bad news.

Her mind was pulled from the the spiraling thoughts when she thought she heard something wrong.

"What?"

"I said, Dana, I want you to go over to the hospital and have some cancer tests done. I'll send the order in right now."

Her heart beat out of her chest.

"What?"

The doctor seemed to sense her terror, and approached the exam table and looked her in the eyes, speaking very gently.

"Dana, you're a doctor, so I know I can talk to you very bluntly. Elevated levels of the hormone hGC occur when one is pregnant, but they also occur with certain types of cancer. It can cause false positives in store-bought pregnancy tests, and as I've found with the tests I've done today that you are barren, I think this may be the case."

Scully's heart still spiraled. "My sister, she had breast cancer. But they caught it fast enough it wasn't a big deal. But I haven't felt a lump-"

"Then it may not be breast cancer. It may be another type. Or it could be nothing. But I still want to be sure. So I'm going to have to ask that you get the tests done."

Scully nodded, eyes welling up.

"Dana, do you have anyone you can call to keep you company during the testing procedure?"

Her mind immediately flashed to Mulder.

"Yeah, yeah I'll call him."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time jump to immediately after Memento Mori

Mulder dragged his heels as he followed Scully into her room. Without even asking him to turn around, Scully began to change into her street clothes.

"Scully?"

"I'm going to check myself out of the hospital. Can you drive me home?"

"Scully, I don't think that's a great idea..."

"Mulder please," both her voice and his heart broke with those words.

"Okay," he whispered, his mind quickly shifting to the frozen ova in his pocket.

"Mulder? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, uh... Listen, can you take your time, I just have to run out for a bit. I'll be back to pick you up."

She regarded him suspiciously.

"Yeah, Mulder... Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Mulder?"

He refused to meet her eyes.

"I'll tell you later okay?"

He made a move for the exit and he could see her nodding in his peripheral vision.

As he walked out of the hospital, he prayed, for the first time in years, that there would be a 'later'.


	8. Chapter 8

Mulder was gone long enough that Scully began to get ticked, but not long enough for her to worry. She absently stared at her feet dangling off the side of the hospital bed as she wondered what errand Mulder could possibly need to run without her.

On one hand, she could just call a cab, and ignore Mulder abandoning her.

On the other, despite her utter inability to ever admit this aloud, she desperately needed to be around him. Even if it was just for the ride home.


	9. Chapter 9

She loved him. She wanted him. She needed him.

Lying in her cool bed that night, after Mulder had grasped her hand the entire way home, had walked her up to her apartment, left a cold glass of water on the night stand, and almost had to be forcibly shoved out the door, Scully rolled all the way across the bed, savoring how large it was, how much space it wasted.

She questioned why she'd even bought it, and in doing so, she slowly began to question everything in her room, scanning the darkness for things to critique.

The bedspread. Stainless, spotless. _What was the point if there was no one to show it to._

The dresser. Half the drawers empty. _She didn't have that many clothes. And she certainly didn't have anyone to share it with._

Two nightstands that, in six months time, maybe a year, some rich trophy wife would buy from her broken mother exclaiming they were in perfect condition.

_"My my, Maggie. Maggie was it? Ten years old you say? They look like they were just bought! I swear if my husband was in the same room with it for ten minutes, it's surface would be covered in water glass rings."_

Tortured by the voice that never spoke, Scully rolled beneath her covers and buried her face in the pillow. His pillow.

If he was here it would be his.

Scully had ignored that knowledge long before she accepted her feelings.

But she didn't ignore it now.

_I want Mulder. I need him, actually. Or both._

What the hell. What was the point of suppressing those feelings if she wouldn't be around for the consequences.

_Because that poor man is haunted by enough dead women who loved him._

But the constant plague of angry thoughts that entered and left her mind as Scully slipped into sleep were unknowingly similar to that of a man across town who lay in bed tossing and turning and cursing himself for hurting her again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> next up on: what happens when i actually put effort into something

That "undeserving" mantra carried Scully through many months of lonely nights. As much as Mulder desperately grasped his many hopes, she refused to acknowledge the only one she had.

Months passed with only doctor's appointments and treatment schedules as proof. And yet none of the many efforts worked.

But all that missing time finally caught up with her as she made eye contact with her Mulder through the glass window of her hospital room.

That goofy, happy smile.

The flop of hair that refused to get out of his eyes.

His tie, simply a navy blue with small white dots. The most mild of his collection.

_He put it on for you. He heard you were better, and he got dressed and he wore that for you._

But as Scully strained herself, trying get up and face him with all the confusion that surrounded his visit, she knew that wasn't true.

_I'm not better. I haven't looked in a mirror in days. I can barely sit up. He doesn't need this._

But they as they carried their conversation, Scully's mind floated aimlessly in those dark thoughts of undeserved love.

That smile. It was for her. That was certain. But it shouldn't be.

But as it was, Mulder's lips, unexpectedly searing themselves to her cheek, her hand clasped tightly in his, was the only thing that could pull her down. She was always someone rooted in reality, and Mulder was up in the clouds. How was it that her disease was the one thing that changed their positions?

When this cancer came to her, she said she had something to prove. To herself, her family.

But it wasn't any of that.

She wanted to prove to Mulder that she'd be the first to stay.

This poor man that sat in front of her, smiling down as though she was the only reason there was light in the world, was so broken and abandoned. He put himself on the line for her more times than she could count, and yet every time, every second that the unexpected happened, it was her that got hurt. And every single time he blamed himself for it.

Her brother blamed him too.

If Scully had more strength, she'd warn Mulder to stay away from Bill. He'd given Scully phone call after phone call raving about a partner he'd never met.

Mulder didn't deserve any of this.

He deserved a happy life. He deserved peace, and love. He deserved a family to make up from the life he'd led without one.

And lying in bed, watching her brother beat down the love of her life, knowing she had no strength to stop it, she knew that she couldn't give it to him.

She couldn't love him, because that would mean one more person who loved and left.

She couldn't bring him peace from her pained pose in the sterile bed.

She certainly couldn't give him a family and a future.

But that original dream was as hopeless as her abilities to give him any of that.

And as Mulder left her sight, after being bullied by her brother, all Scully could feel was sorrow. It drowned out whatever words her family had spoken, her mind only willing to hear the new, hopeless mantra of how she was just going to be another name on the list of people who left him.


	11. Chapter 11

From a bystander's perspective, the worst moments of Fox Mulder's life far outnumbered the happiest. Or at least it seemed. That was never the case, when he was the one to count.

The day his sister was born versus the day she disappeared.

The day he entered the Academy versus when his life's work was labeled a joke.

The day Dana Scully came into his life versus the countless times he lost and found her again. Each time her coming back a little more broken.

If this treatment didn't work, the possibilities of fixing the bad in his life were out the window. If Scully was gone he wouldn't find his sister. He couldn't continue this without her. By this point everyone knew that. It turned his stomach to know that was likely the reason she was targeted.

If Scully was gone, his life's work would be a dump. Not even the work. His life as he knew it would disintegrate.

He loved her. God, he loved her. More than anything he'd ever felt. More than anyone he'd ever met. More than anything. More than anything in the entire goddamn universe. The love he had for her grew with every second, which should be a scientific phenomenon in it of itself.

_You know why the universe is expanding? Because the entire idea behind 'everything that Scully is to me' can't quite fit in it's infinity._

The world was a cold place without Dana Scully. He knew that. He knew that the second she stepped into his office and the entire place filled with light.

Now, by her bedside, his trousers doing little to shield his legs from the cold tile of the grimy hospital floor, he caught a glimpse- _the first devastatingly accurate one_ , he thought- of what it would do to him if he lost Scully.

The world would collapse around his vision. Even in the darkness of the room, he could see it start to happen.

Everything would turn cold. It already was. He wrapped his cold hands around her barely warm ones, hoping it wouldn't wake her up. She didn't deserve any more worry in her life, and she certainly didn't deserve to put up with the man who caused this to happen more than was necessary.

But as much as Mulder knew that, he fought every urge to crawl into bed with Scully. He was already on his side of the bed. Not that he'd thought about that.

It took everything Mulder had in him to get up from his place on that cold floor, to stand back up and walk away and pretend like he was never there. The tears that had singed his face weren't her problem, they were his. He had to deal with them in private.

But it took everything not to turn around and wrap himself around the most important person in his world. Just for a second. Before she disappeared. Just a second so he could whisper everything he ever wanted to tell her. Just a second so he could let her know just how much he wanted her. How much he needed her in his life.

But instead, Mulder eased the door shut behind him, and slipped out of the hospital without another sound. 


	12. Chapter 12

Before the words had completely left the doctor's mouth, Scully was stumbling across the room on weak, shaky legs towards the phone.

She didn't believe it at first. She didn't believe it when she was given another blood test. She didn't even believe it when the doctor stood before her brandishing a X-Ray of her skull as if it were a white flag.

She didn't register the doctor's words until a familiar face burst through the door and without any normal concern of crushing her, enveloped her in an embrace and let loose a sob in the crook of her neck.

By the time he pulled away, Mulder was nearly lying on top of her, sprawled out awkwardly on that once-cold hospital bed. He was breathing heavily, his face puffy and eyes red. Judging by the lack of suit jacket and the looseness of his tie, he hadn't done more than race from the building when he got her phone call.

But it still wasn't real- it didn't feel real. It felt like it was too good of luck. It felt like they were played once again. Her eyes instinctively darted around the room, refusing to be caught off guard again.

But with Mulder there, it was difficult for her to feel scared. It was difficult for Scully to not be caught up in her hopes. He was a man who exuded impossible possibilities, who could make anything happen if he was passionate enough.

And so her eyes became fixed on the corner of the room, where, taped up on the light box, was that white flag. It surrendered to them. They finally won something.

When her eyes met Mulder's again, she could see he was thinking along these same lines.

The chip worked. She was saved.

_Scully. Your family. They'll be here soon. I better go._

As much as he wanted to scream from the rooftops, Mulder could barely manage a whisper for his reminder.

She nodded knowingly, but reached out her small, cold hands and took a hold of Mulder's.

He was seated at the edge of the bed, now looking far more panicked and skittish than he had a moment ago when he nearly crushed her.

_That wouldn't do. Not now. Not when she'd barely been brought back to life._

And so, weaving her tiny fingers through his, she tugged him closer lightly and he began to slide over to her, tentatively and unsure.

Seconds passed by and they sat like that. Mulder perched on the edge of her bed, his fingers wrapped through hers. Scully sat with her legs folded up, her right knee grazing his arm. She fiddled with their joined hands for a moment, holding them in her lap and just staring at this connection with the man that, for months prior, she had pushed away.

A silence blanketed them, but it was more welcome than uncomfortable.

Scully knew without even looking that Mulder was staring at her, trying desperately to read her thoughts like he'd been trained to do. She didn't want to meet his eyes- she was still so scared that he didn't feel the same.

But suddenly a repulsion to fear fell over her.

No. This was the rebirth of Dana Scully.

And with a deep breath, she met Mulder's eyes, and found that they were not packed with the pity she was expecting.

But before either of them could do anything, the door burst open and a frantic mother raced into the room, destroying the pristine silence that had graced the room a second before.

Scully's hands immediately turned cold as Mulder's slipped out of them. She tried to not be distracted by Mulder's presence disappearing from the room, but she watched him every millisecond he trudged from the space.

In the hours to come, as he sat guard not ten feet away, but completely unseen, both would grieve the loss of yet another chance to do what they desperately wanted.


	13. Chapter 13

By midnight, all that was left was Mulder and Scully. Everyone else had gone home with promises to be back in the morning. But instead of following in suit, Mulder ducked his head back into her room and sat back down in his place.

After a moment of silence, Scully's mouth opened in a lame attempt to start the conversation they'd been putting off for years.

But no words came out.

And in a surge of impulsiveness, Mulder reached out and grasped Scully's face between his hands, staring at the woman before him like she was his entire reason for living.

And her small smile gave Mulder the permission he needed to press his lips to hers for the first time.


	14. Chapter 14

It ended as quickly as it began. Scully pulled back slightly, her mouth only inches from his.

"I'm sorry." He breathed into the small space between them.

But in response, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his.

"I'm not. I was just a little out of breath."

And Mulder's previously-lowered eyes met hers and he gave her a grin. That damn Mulder grin. Sweet and goofy and innocent.

Scully simply rolled her eyes, and wrapped her thin arm around his neck and pulled him back to her for another kiss.

Predictably, this one was far less chaste than the first, Mulder's tongue swept out of his mouth almost instantly and tried to slip between her lips. She giggled into his face as she allowed his search to continue.

And suddenly the world outside the room ceased to exist. All that was left was Mulder, Scully, that cold, cold hospital bed and Mulder's warm tongue battling with hers, any reservations out of concern or fear were lost. She half expected Mulder to cover her in bubble wrap before anyone laid another finger on her. That man was too paranoid for his own good.

Now he wasn't. She felt his long fingers weave through her hair. Good.

After eternity, they broke and Mulder slid back and looked at her.

"What?"

"You're just... incredibly beautiful."

She rolled her eyes. Less than 24 hours in remission from a cancer that almost ate her alive, and Scully was pretty sure she just looked sweaty and small. But the look on Mulder's face was that of a man who genuinely believed what he said. And so she offered him a smile and reached out and squeezed his hand.

"We should talk."

"No. Well, yes. But later. Not now," Mulder said. She nodded in agreement. 

Knowing her family, Scully was aware that this likely was the only time she and Mulder would be alone for a while. From the look on Mulder's face, he knew the same thing. They'd have time later. Both were willing to procrastinate. They both knew that conversation was simply a formality. And so Mulder offered up a very pleased smile and she returned it graciously.

Out of the corner of her eye, Scully saw a nurse looking fairly angry that Mulder was still visiting so late. But as she looked back at him, Scully saw both questioning and refusal to leave in his eyes, and she knew better than to mention that he should have left an hour ago.


	15. Chapter 15

Maggie Scully was up nearly all that night, tossing and turning and counting minutes until she could lay eyes on her daughter again. The nurse who'd picked up her many phone calls had assured her that Dana was doing just fine. That she needed to stop calling and get some rest.

The only semblance of reassurance that Maggie got was knowing that she wasn't the only one looking after her daughter.

Fox was there. He wasn't going to let anything more happen to her.

In the morning, Maggie stopped by Dana's favorite bakery and picked up a danish. As a child, she always loved those, commenting that they were sort of named after her. On a whim, she also got one for Fox, though having no idea if he'd be there when she arrived. The way his interaction with Maggie's eldest son went days before, she was fairly certain Fox would be somewhat scared away from that room.

But she was delightfully mistaken as she walked into the room confidently and found herself slowly backing away from the scene in front of her.

Fox was there, but it appeared he had been there all night. His tie was rumpled on the nightstand, and was lying in the same suit as the day before. Her daughter was curled towards him, her face buried in his chest while his arms were wrapped protectively around her. Both looked more peaceful and well-rested than she'd ever seen.

So Maggie Scully quickly searched through her purse for a scrap of paper and a pen to write a note on. She left it tucked under the pastry bag next to Fox's tie.

"Danishes for Dana (and Fox) in the bag. Didn't want to wake you two. Call me when you're up. -Mom."

And she left, for the first time in years, without any fear or concern for her daughter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt intend for part of this to be borderline that one song from rent but here we go

Their first year together passed by in an instant.

Mulder dragged Scully to and fro, her refusals waning in strength slowly over time. Eventually those strange, small town cases began to feel more enjoyable to her. It was just them, in their rhythm like it'd always been. Sure they disagreed on plenty of things. Sure they had their rough spots. But at the end of each and every one of those difficult days, they both knew that their future lay just beyond that adjoining door waiting for them.

That first year could be traced in a number of different ways.

In Maggie Scully's routine phone calls asking how they were. They. She always asked about 'they' now. Not just Dana. Dana was now half of a package deal.

In the times Mulder looked at Scully with those sad, green eyes, begging her to break her 'no-relationship-on-a-case' rule just one more time.

In the times Scully crawled into Mulder's bed in the middle of the night and was, without any need for explanation, enveloped in his arms.

In the subjectless meetings where neither could take their eyes off the other, yet tried to be discreet about it.

In those closed-door instances where Mulder played the radio and begged her to dance to songs she never thought she'd hear.

In green pepper covered pizzas. In terrified, fast embraces.

In receipts for tiny, white flowers.

However, despite everything that happened through that year, despite the unwelcome ghosts that made their way into their lives again, every night Mulder lay next to Scully, grasping her like she was the only thing that could possibly keep him tethered to this world. And Scully simply curled herself closer to him, his crusade made of love and unparalleled hope the only thing that made her feel safe any longer.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i know i sort of did a time-jump in the last chapter adn im going back in this but i swear it'll probably come together and stuff.

The morning after Mulder and Scully slept together for the first time, Scully woke up briefly to find Mulder's face propped inches from hers. Without even questioning it, without even needing to replay the previous night's events, she curled closer to the man and fell back asleep. Her last conscious thoughts were of his perfect hand that slowly stroked her hair.

 

  
In truth, he hadn't slept a wink that night, he hadn't even bothered to try.  
  
Hours passed and night became day, and Mulder couldn't take his eyes off of the sleeping woman next to him. How he'd managed to find himself next to her, naked, more satisfied than he'd ever felt in his life, was beyond him. How she let him hold her, how quickly the traumatized woman fell peacefully to sleep in his arms. How could he fall asleep when it was the happiest moment of his life?

When sunlight finally flooded the room and Scully slowly opened her eyes, Mulder felt himself fall in love with this woman all over again. He loved how blue her eyes were. How she'd take a deep breath, and close her eyes again, only to snuggle closer to his chest and allow him to feel her breaths even out against his neck.

That night, he made a decision, the one decision he would never regret, the one he'd never take back as long as he lived. The best decision of his entire life.

And after hours of waiting, of deliberating on this plan of his, he finally grew impatient, and slipped from Scully's grasp and silently pulled on his rumpled clothes in the dim light of her bedroom.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> same deal as before... we'll get back to the "present day" that i was at in 16 but yeah im just rereading this and it sounded confusing with jumping around but itll be probably a lil bit good in the end i guess

It was hour four of Mulder being gone when she finally got a call from him. She almost considered not picking up. She knew it was him. She knew he'd give some lame excuse about having to leave for something or other. She hated that she'd let herself get caught up in the romantic bubble that was previous night's events. He was probably just calling to call it all off.

But part of her knew that if she didn't pick up the phone, he'd take it as HER not wanting anything to do with him. And given how long it took for them to get to where they were now, it was the last thing she wanted. All she wanted was to get back in that bubble from last night. And the best chance of her getting that was by picking up that phone.

But she picked up and before she could even get a word out, his soothing monotone filled her ears.

"Scully. Can you let me in?"

"What?"

"The buzzer down here... I guess it's broken or something. I brought food... It's getting cold."

"Fine." And she trudged down the building's stairs to let him in.

  
They were back in her apartment before either of them said a word.

"Scully... I know what you're going to say."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" she crossed her arms.

"That I shouldn't have just left without telling you. That it was fine if I was uncomfortable with this, but I should have at least told you. I'm sorry."

He stared at her, eyes full of terror like she'd never seen.

"Why did you go? Why are you back?" Scully demanded.

Mulder, still in his jacket like he was afraid she'd kick him out soon, simply stared at the food and shook his head slowly.

"What, Mulder?" She asked softer.

"I didn't mean to go. I just had to do something."

"Mulder?"

"I can't talk about it. Not right now. I just had to do something okay?" he repeated.

"Mulder." She whispered as gently as she could, feeling better after realizing that he hadn't left out of regret. "Can I take your jacket?"

He looked at her, those sad, mopey eyes now a little happier. He nodded and slipped the garment over his shoulders.

Neither spoke again until after they'd finished their food.

"Scully..." he stared at the movie they'd silently decided to watch. He didn't even know what it was about, he was still fixated on that morning and how impulsive and mindless he'd been. "Scully. I just want to let you know that I didn't leave because I regretted anything. I just needed to run an errand that's all."

Her eyes remained fixed on the TV. "It's okay, Mulder."

"Scully, I was impulsive and I didn't think-"

"Mulder." She turned to him. "Mulder, I was just scared. I'm not mad, okay? I just was scared that I'd wrecked things between us."

"Never."

"Huh?"

"Scully, you could never wreck things between us. Ever. It's not possible."

She turned back to the TV but in the soft light of the room he could see her smile.

If asked about it later, neither Mulder or Scully could tell you what movie was playing that night. They could, however, tell you about how good it felt for Scully's head to rest on Mulder's shoulder. How good it felt for him to pepper her forehead with nervous little kisses that grew more and more confident. How good it felt for them to turn off the movie completely and have sex on her couch for the first time. And the second.

That night was unforgettable for a thousand things, but most of all, for the reason that only occurred to Scully two years later. The reason why Mulder was gone for a few hours, and the reason he didn't bother to tell her what had happened. And for the rest of her life, she was glad she picked up that phone.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so... a lil angsty but i promise ill make it better

Dana made her way inside while Mulder parked the car. Even through the distant chatter of self-righteous mourners, she could hear him come through the door from the other room.

She sat completely still, waiting for Mulder to approach her, to flank her side, to be her bodyguard. She had no energy to stand, all of it died with her daughter. And so she waited for him.

The chatter ceased and after a second, Dana figured out why.

The silence was sharply broken.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE." That aggravated roar that Bill let out spilled through the house. The response was nowhere near as strong, coming out as merely a whisper.

"I need to see Scully."

"GET OUT."

"Please. I need to see Scully. She asked me here." Mulder pathetically begged from the doorway, seemingly having as little energy as she.

"HER DAUGHTER JUST DIED YOU SON OF A BITCH. YOU LEAVE HER ALONE."

Despite her hidden place, Dana could see Mulder beginning to gain a little energy back. But she never expected to hear him roar back. "SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER TOO."

And a curtain of even more weighted silence fell over the crowd for a momentary eternity.

And then Bill spoke again. "Oh. Oh really, Mr. Mulder. YOU knocked up my sister? She was your kid? Because from what I've heard-"

"THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEAN AND YOU KNOW IT."

"ENLIGHTEN ME."

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I WOULD HAVE HELPED SCULLY RAISE THAT KID IN WHATEVER CAPACITY SHE NEEDED ME TO. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR BOTH OF THEM. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I SPENT LESS THAN AN HOUR IN THAT LITTLE GIRL'S PRESENCE AND I LOVED HER. I LOVED HER LIKE A DAUGHTER AND I COULDN'T SAVE HER AND I'M SORRY. I KNOW THAT YOU'RE MAD AT ME FOR WHAT I'VE ALLEGEDLY PUT YOUR SISTER THROUGH, BILL. I'M MAD AT ME TOO. BUT YOU BETTER FUCKING STEP ASIDE NOW, SO I CAN PAY MY RESPECTS TO THE MOTHER OF MY KID, AND THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. AT LEAST LET ME DO THAT."

It apparently was an unspoken agreement to never say the child's name. Be it out of respect, or humiliation, or anger, that agreement was never broken.

Mulder's voice was crackling and hoarse by the end of his speech. When Bill apparently stepped aside and allowed him to pass through the crowd of stunned guests, Scully found strength herself and stood to meet him. They collapsed against each other, and despite their mutual blurry vision, identified tears soaking each other's cheeks.

Knowing all eyes were on them, they didn't even need to speak. In his peripheral vision, Mulder could see Maggie Scully standing there as thin and tiny as her daughter in his arms. The untouched cup in her hands shook with her, but her face expressed only sorrow for his loss. For their loss.

Mulder didn't stay for the singular moment that he'd promised. Scully refused to let him go, and chose to remain buried in his shoulder as he was buried in hers. She had no idea how much time had passed, or what had happened to leave them alone in the dining room, but when they found themselves there, they silently agreed on what would happen next.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dunno if i quite clarified it but this picks up 2 years later...

It was a week of constant nausea, but Scully finally agreed to see a doctor only after she'd passed out in the break room. Mulder offered to drive her. Three times. To go with her. To hold her hand. _To hold her_ , whatever the reason for this visit may be.

But he was currently tied up in a meeting with Skinner, and every second that she sat in that germ-ridden office, she wished he was there with her.

It wasn't until she got the news that that wish turned into a desperate need. And because of that, she fled the office with the definitive proof flailing as she ran.

She raced through the monotonous halls of the Hoover building, too impatient to wait for the elevator and instead flying down the flight of stairs to the office. Tears swarmed her eyes, but did little to impede her trance.

And Scully burst through the door to their office, only to find another red-haired woman standing there, phone poised in hand, instead of her partner.

"Agent Scully," Arlene greeted her with a grim expression on her face.

"What?"

"I..."

"What is it? Who was that on the phone?"

"I... I, uh," Arlene's face was as pale as it could be. "I was looking for you. Skinner wanted to see you."

Scully took a few breaths to steady herself from the mad dash across Washington. "Where is Agent Mulder?"

"He's with the Assistant Director," Arlene drew every breath more shakily than the last.

"Arlene, what is it?" Scully was growing impatient, the folded paper was burning a hole in her pocket.

"Agent Scully, Agent Mulder's mother just died. That was the hospital-"

"What?"

"His mother, Teena. She died. They needed to talk to him but they found out I was a secretary at the Bureau- they told me to tell him."

"No..." Scully's momentary elation had completely dissipated. Of course this would happen to them. Because nothing could be easy. "No, I'll tell him, Arlene."

And she left without another word.


	21. Chapter 21

They'd been home from California for two weeks before Scully wore that blazer again. He'd slept over despite her weekday rules, and as she pulled the folded, forgotten paper from her pocket, he stood oblivious in the bathroom shaving.

For a moment she was silent, sitting half dressed on the edge of the bed, watching her entire future shaving his jaw in the mirror in her bathroom like it was simply any other day. In that moment, Scully could imagine every morning like this one, just the two of them silently getting ready, each other's company the only thing in the world that could matter.

But the now-unfolded sheet of paper that she held in her hands added something else to that perfect picture. _Someone else._

As tears raced down her cheeks, that perfect, oblivious man, turned toward her to give her a grin, now freshly shaven, but became obviously confused.

He rushed to her side and took her face in his hands, whispering gently questions so he could understand. It took him several minutes to take his eyes off of her face, but when he did, when he noticed the paper in her hands, when he sat on the bed next to her and read it quietly like it was a death sentence, a single minute stretched onto eternity.

And then she was in his arms. He held her against his chest, rocking her back and forth, red-hot, tear-sticky face pressed against her neck, mumbling random, ecstatic phrases in her ear. And she let out a sob into his, pressing her face right back and his mouth descended on hers and for the next length of time, be it a minute or a century, he lay on top of her, with his warm, wet tongue down her throat, and their tears ran together.

But when they broke, she didn't stop crying. He continued to hold her, to rub her back, to whisper the sweetest of things in her ear. But Mulder couldn't tell if these tears were of joy or pain, or an emotion never documented before that moment.

They spoke quietly, neither caring how each passing minute made them both more late for a job they no longer worshiped.

"What if it goes wrong." Not a question. It was a possibility. A possibility that she didn't want to think about but knew she would have to.

"It won't." He spoke like it was the first truth he'd ever believed in.

"What if they take it."

"They won't."

"What if they hurt it."

"We won't let them."

"What if it happens again."

And he clasped her face, making sure her eyes stared deep into his as he spoke with absolute certainty.

"Scully." He whispered it like it was the answer to every in the world. "Scully. We know the truth now."

"Not all of it."

"Scully."

"Mulder, I can't do that again. I can't go through that again."

"You won't."

"Mulder."

"They can't hurt us anymore."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do. Whatever it takes, Scully. I know you and you know me. We won't let it happen."

Her eyes dropped for a moment, but then came back to meet his with a smile. "Okay."

"You don't have to-"

"Mulder," she groaned.

"Just wanted to put that as an option."

She smiled in return. "I love you."

"Right back at you."

  
They continued to get ready for their day, eating breakfast in the coffee shop on the corner. Mulder refused to let her off the hook with a simple muffin. This was going to be a long pregnancy if he nearly bought out every dining establishment they went past.

Their day went on as usual, but with a bigger increase in Mulder rubbing her back and bringing her things and hugging her anytime he was within ten feet of where she was working.

They never discussed how the tiny being inside her had been created. Well, she knew HOW it came about. She liked that part. She just had no idea why a barren woman was able to get this news. But every single time she caught Mulder staring at her, grinning his face off, the part of her that questioned how this all came about grew smaller and smaller.


	22. Chapter 22

For the first time in recent years, Scully felt completely and utterly regular. Like any normal woman who was having her partner's baby. Despite having been told she was sterile. Because five years prior she'd been abducted by aliens.

Regardless, the pregnancy went by without barely a hitch.

She needed a great many things during those nine months, all of which were quickly and enthusiastically given to her by Mulder. Especially the more physical needs.

But he was more than willing to go out for a midnight chocolate bar run, or to grab the spare bag of sunflower seeds that were in his car because she couldn't stop craving them. At least there was no doubt in her mind that this was Mulder's baby.

Nearly every day Mulder would come home with a new onesie, either something that he'd picked up after passing a shop window, or he'd meet her mother for lunch because she'd recently adopted him into the family. Maggie, the nostalgic, like Mulder, had kept everything any of her four children had even touched in their childhood, and she was more than willing to bequeath it to the enthusiastic new father.

When the day finally arrived that Scully would wake up at two a.m. with a worse pain in her abdomen than she'd ever experienced, Mulder was right there to freak out even more. She watched the clock between contractions, as well as guided Mulder in deep breathing. When they got to the hospital, Mulder refused to let go of her hand, using the other one to stroke her hair, and begged the nurse to force-feed Scully ice chips.

  
And then William Mulder Scully came into the world.

  
And of all the things Scully expected she'd need most desperately in her life, she never guessed it would be to hold her son and never let him out of her sight. To watch Mulder with tears streaming down either of their faces. To have her mother run through the door in pajamas and slippers, carrying a bundle of flowers with a "sorry for your loss" sign stuck in them, and to giggle at how she clearly hadn't been paying attention to her rapid purchase. To have Bill and Charlie call, not only congratulating her, but also Mulder. This kid really was a miracle.

Every sleep deprived second of the upcoming years would all be worth it, and they knew it. William being dressed in one alien onesie after another was worth it. Scully'd remark to Mulder every time that the kid was so cute, even he could make the outfits work.

They dressed him up as Skinner for Halloween, and all wore matching footie pjs at Christmas. Every day before their work, Mulder and Scully would drop the baby off at her mothers, only kiss him a couple hundred times each before they finally made it out the door, and come home at five p.m. like normal people.

And neither had ever been happier in their life.


	23. Chapter 23

He proposes to her for the first time inside an airport Cinnabon.

They'd managed to convince Skinner to begin to gather evidence to incarcerate the Smoking Man, and now, after the final piece fell into place, after the arrest had been made and the courts would be in session in less than a day to convict him, Mulder and Scully sat on a sticky bench in Cinnabon, waiting for their plane to take them home. Somehow it seemed almost unreal, but neither were going to jinx the newfound safety that they felt knowing he would finally be brought to justice. 

And with Scully slumped against Mulder's chest, waiting for the next few hours to go by so they could see their son, her eyes opening and closing slowly and sleepily, Mulder finally got up the courage to quietly ask something that he'd waited years to do.

Of course she said 'yes'.

It was a sleepy, less-than enthusiastic 'yes', followed by an immediate, sleep-deprived giggle. But Mulder wouldn't have traded it for the world. They were safe, they were happy, and they deserved that bit of normalcy that Maggie'd campaigned for since William's birth.

Mulder finished both their cinnamon rolls as Scully drooled against his suit jacket. He has to carry her to the gate.

She was re-caffeinated on the plane before he manages to pry her from his chest long enough to pull the simple ring from his coat pocket. He'd been carrying it since that day she found the piece of paper in her jacket. She slips it on her hand and her fingers remains laced with Mulder's until an toddling William barrels towards them through the crowd of travelers at the gate.

For the next few minutes, Maggie gives them space, and stands at the edge of the sea of people watching as neither Fox or Dana are aware of anything but their giggling baby and his kissable cheeks. She sees their unparalleled happiness and remembers the many times she felt that way bringing her children to meet their father. But she also knew this would be the only time this moment would happen for them. Neither Fox or Dana were going to leave ever again.


	24. Chapter 24

On a dateless Saturday morning, some time later, Scully woke up to an empty bed, and judging from the coldness of the sheets, it had been that way for a while. It wasn't out of the ordinary for Mulder to not be there when she woke up, but it was strange given it was the weekend.

But as she descended the stairs, she heard laughter echoing from the kitchen and was no longer worried.

Scully stood in the shadows for near an eternity, watching Mulder with their daughter on his hip, letting her measure ingredients for some unknown recipe. William raced around his long legs with some toy, laughing harder than ever and making his sister do the same. A bag of empty chocolate chips on the counter gave away the source of the six year old's boundless energy.

Scully stared as Mulder set Rosy down on the counter and showed her how to carefully measure sugar. The girl was too young to understand any of it but Mulder was so sweet and excited to show her and William, who'd stopped circling the room and watched what Mulder was doing. Rosy was their second miracle. And last, as Scully'd firmly put to Mulder. But the girl was everything her chubby, sunshiny face portrayed, which is to say: perfect. Just like her brother.

Scully watched William begin to stir the unidentified batter at the kitchen table as Mulder took a wet paper towel to Rosy's chocolate-sticky face and arms. And it was her daughter that outed her spying to everyone by pointing and screaming "MOMMY" at the top of her lungs.

Mulder glanced over his shoulder and gave her a smile before finishing cleaning up the kid and setting her on the ground. With Rosy very intently watching over William's shoulder as he expertly stirred the batter, Mulder strode towards Scully and gave her a deep, 'good morning' kiss. With his finger's wrapped through her messy hair and two perfect kids giggling and oddly getting along in the background, everything, for the first time, felt perfect.

He looked like he was about to say something when they heard a cry from the table and found Rosy in a heap on the floor. Scully instantly rushed over to make sure she was okay and held her while she cried and Mulder placed an ice pack over the bruise. William looked concerned from afar, but like his father, knew better than to get in Doctor Scully's way. And so he and Mulder finished the pancakes.

The rest of the morning was spent eating, or cleaning maple syrup from every crevice in their kitchen. Rosy played with Play-Doh on the floor and William sat next to her drawing.

They'd go to the park later. Rosy would get all muddy, just like Scully- never one to back down from a squeamish situation.

Scully would push William on the swings, and when her short body wasn't able to get him high enough, Mulder was brought in to do better. Will'd talk them into getting ice cream at the stand and some teenage girl would fawn over their daughter as she slobbered in her mother's cone.

Mulder and Scully would return home with their children, Rosy half asleep in her carseat and Will about to crash from his sugar high. They'd order a pizza, and one would clean Rosy up while the other waited for the pizza guy to get there.

They'd watch a movie that both children would fall asleep halfway through and be cautiously carried to bed so as to not wake them. Screw teeth brushing just this once. And then Mulder and Scully would collapse together on the couch, Scully half laying across Mulder. That dateless Saturday was everything to them. Everything that neither thought they'd ever have. Mulder would run his fingers though her hair and she'd fall asleep against him. When he finally turned off the TV and carefully untangled his wedding ring from her hair, he'd carry her upstairs and they'd curl together in bed.

And they'd wake up Sunday morning and nothing would be different from when they went to sleep. They felt normal, and relaxed, and happier than they'd ever been. Maggie would visit for lunch. They'd pack lunches for daycare and elementary school. Mulder would set the alarm so he could take the kids to school and Scully would set another alarm because Mulder's really not a morning person.

They'd get ready together Monday morning. They'd stand in separate mirrors next to each other. Mulder would shave while Scully brushed her teeth and she'd fix his tie. Everything was as it should be and for once in their lives, nobody was going to sabotage it. 

 

One day, and one day only did Scully think back to that night she'd spent with Ed Jerse. She remember very vividly wanting a family, and wanting Mulder more than anything in the world. In that moment, all those years ago, with the prospect of an incurable disease hanging over her head, she never dreamed she'd actually get what she craved. But she did.

And she watched Mulder, with a stream of foamy toothpaste dripping from his mouth, his hair sticking up on end as he fiddled with his tie in the mirror. And there was nothing else in the world that she'd ever want. 


End file.
